Computer quotes and sayings

Computers are like Old Testament gods; lots of rules and no mercy.
Joseph Campbell

Think? Why think! We have computers to do that for us.
Jean Rostand

Computers have lots of memory but no imagination.

They have computers, and they may have other weapons of mass destruction.
Janet Reno

Computing is not about computers any more. It is about living.
Nicholas Negroponte

The question of whether computers can think is just like the question of whether submarines can swim.
Edsger W. Dijkstra

Computers are like bikinis. They save people a lot of guesswork.
Sam Ewing

If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into committees. That’ll do them in.

A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any invention in human history – with the possible exceptions of handguns and tequila.
Mitch Ratcliffe

After growing wildly for years, the field of computing appears to be reaching its infancy.
John Pierce

Those parts of the system that you can hit with a hammer (not advised) are called hardware; those program instructions that you can only curse at are called software.

Man is still the most extraordinary computer of all.
John F. Kennedy

The real danger is not that computers will begin to think like men, but that men will begin to think like computers.
Sydney J. Harris

The attention span of a computer is only as long as its power cord.

Computers, huh? I’ve heard it all boils down to just a bunch of ones and zeroes…. I don’t know how that enables me to see naked women, but however it works, God bless you guys.
(Television Show) King of Queens

Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don’t need to be done.
Andy Rooney

Hardware: where the people in your company’s software section will tell you the problem is. Software: where the people in your company’s hardware section will tell you the problem is.
Dave Barry

If there’s one thing that computers do well, it’s to make the same mistake uncountable times at inhuman speed.
Peter Coffee

The essence of the computer is not electronic. Computers can be made from toothpicks and bottle caps, or toilet paper and pebbles.
George Teschner

Back up my hard drive? How do I put it in reverse?

Buying the right computer and getting it to work properly is no more complicated than building a nuclear reactor from wristwatch parts in a darkened room using only your teeth.
Dave Barry

Database: the information you lose when your memory crashes.
Dave Barry

Part of the inhumanity of the computer is that, once it is competently programmed and working smoothly, it is completely honest.
Isaac Asimov

The great thing about a computer notebook is that no matter how much you stuff into it, it doesn’t get bigger or heavier.
Bill Gates

Human happiness and human satisfaction must ultimately come from within oneself. It is wrong to expect some final satisfaction to come from money or from a computer.
Dalai Lama

How would a car function if it were designed like a computer? Occasionally, executing a maneuver would cause your car to stop and fail and you would have to re-install the engine, and the airbag system would say, “Are you sure?” before going off.
Katie Hafner

RAM disk is not an installation procedure.

I just wish my mouth had a backspace key.

One thing a computer can do that most humans can’t is be sealed up in a cardboard box and sit in a warehouse.
Jack Handy

Unless mankind redesigns itself by changing our DNA through altering our genetic makeup, computer-generated robots will take over our world.
Stephen Hawking

The inside of a computer is as dumb as hell but it goes like mad!
Richard Feynman

I wish life had an Undo function.

The problem with troubleshooting is that trouble shoots back.

Don’t explain computers to laymen. Simpler to explain sex to a virgin.
Robert A. Heinlein

There’s an old story about the person who wished his computer were as easy to use as his telephone. That wish has come true, since I no longer know how to use my telephone.
Bjarne Stroustrup

In God we trust, all others we virus scan.

Experts agree that the best type of computer for your individual needs is one that comes on the market about two days after you actually purchase some other computer.
Dave Barry

We build our computer the way we build our cities: over time, without a plan, on top of ruins.
Ellen Ullman

It’s not computer literacy that we should be working on, but sort of human-literacy. Computers have to become human-literate.
Nicholas P. Negroponte

There is only one satisfying way to boot a computer.
J.H. Goldfuss

Advances in computer technology and the Internet have changed the way America works, learns, and communicates. The Internet has become an integral part of America’s economic, political, and social life.
Bill Clinton

Considering the current sad state of our computer programs, software development is clearly still a black art, and cannot yet be called an engineering discipline.
Bill Clinton

Man is the lowest-cost, 150-pound, nonlinear, all-purpose computer system which can be mass-produced by unskilled labor.
NASA 1965

If automobiles had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.
Robert Cringely

Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft… and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.
Werner von Braun

But they are useless. They can only give you answers.
Pablo Picasso

The computer is no better than its program.
Elting Elmore Morison

Computer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes.
Edsger W. Dijkstra

My computer must be broken: whenever I ask a wrong question, it gives a wrong answer.
Ashleigh Brilliant

Hardware : the parts of a computer that can be kicked.
Jeff Pesis

A computer terminal is not some clunky old television with a typewriter in front of it. It is an interface where the mind and body can connect with the universe and move bits of it about.
Douglas Adams

I just found out that the brain is like a computer. If that’s true, then there really aren’t any stupid people. Just people running DOS.

There are 10 types of people in this world: those who understand binary and those who don’t.

I’ve noticed lately that the paranoid fear of computers becoming intelligent and taking over the world has almost entirely disappeared from the common culture. Near as I can tell, this coincides with the release of MS-DOS.
Larry DeLuca

The word user is the word used by the computer professional when they mean idiot.
Dave Barry

I have a theory about the human mind. A brain is a lot like a computer. It will only take so many facts, and then it will go on overload and blow up.
Erma Bombeck

In a few minutes a computer can make a mistake so great that it would have taken many men many months to equal it.

What do people mean when they say the computer went down on them?
Marilyn Pittman

At the source of every error which is blamed on the computer you will find at least two human errors, including the error of blaming it on the computer.

The computer actually may have aggravated management’s degenerative tendency to focus inward on costs.
Peter Drucker