Golf is a compromise between what your ego wants you to do, what experience tells you to do, and what your nerves let you do.
The trouble that most of us find with the modern matched sets of clubs is that they don’t really seem to know any more about the game than the old ones did.
Robert Browning (A History of Golf)
A “gimme” can best be defined as an agreement between two golfers, neither of whom can putt very well.
May thy ball lie in green pastures… and not in still waters.
The shortest distance between any two points on a golf course is a straight line that passes directly through the center of a very large tree.
I’m hitting the woods just great, but I’m having a terrible time getting out of them.
The proper score for a businessman golfer is 90. If he is better than that he is neglecting his business. If he’s worse, he’s neglecting his golf.
Any game where a man 60 can beat a man 30 ain’t no game.
Columbus went around the world in 1492. That isn’t a lot of strokes when you consider the course.
Middle age occurs when you are too young to take up golf and too old to rush up to the net.
Franklin Pierce Adams
How did I make a twelve on a par five hole? It’s simple. I missed a four-foot putt for an eleven.
Sometimes things work out on the golf course and sometimes they don’t. Life will go on. You try to understand what happens, but maybe today I don’t want to know. I just screwed up so maybe I should just put it behind me.
I’ve heard people say putting is 50 percent technique and 50 percent mental. I really believe it is 50 percent technique and 90 percent positive thinking, see, but that adds up to 140 percent, which is why nobody is 100 percent sure how to putt.
Chi Chi Rodriguez
Duffers who consistently shank their balls are urged to buy and study Shanks – No Thanks by R.K. Hoffman, or in extreme cases, M.S. Howard’s excellent Tennis for Beginners.
Henry Beard (Golfing – 1985)
Never let up. The more you can win by, the more doubts you put in the other players’ minds the next time out.
A golf course outside a big town serves an excellent purpose in that it segregates, as though a concentration camp, all the idle and idiot well-to-do.
The most rewarding things you do in life are often the ones that look like they cannot be done.
Keep your sense of humor. There’s enough stress in the rest of your life not to let bad shots ruin a game you’re supposed to enjoy.
Golf… is the infallible test. The man who can go into a patch of rough alone, with the knowledge that only God is watching him, and play his ball where it lies, is the man who will serve you faithfully and well.
P. G. Wodehouse
Go out and have fun. Golf is a game for everyone, not just for the talented few.
Nothing goes down slower than a golf handicap.
One lesson you better learn if you want to be in politics is that you never go out on a golf course and beat the President.
Lyndon B. Johnson
If I had my way, any man guilty of golf would be barred from any public office in the United States and the families of the breed would be shipped off to the white slave corrals of Argentina.
The income tax has made more liars out of the American people than golf has.
My swing is so bad I look like a caveman killing his lunch.
You’ve got to be rich to have a swing like that.
A passion, an obsession, a romance, a nice acquaintanceship with trees, sand, and water.
I would like to deny all allegations by Bob Hope that during my last game of golf, I hit an eagle, a birdie, an elk and a moose.
Fifty years ago, 100 white men chasing one black man across a field was called the Ku Klux Klan. Today it’s called the PGA Tour.
Attributed to Alex Hay
Who watches golf on TV? Who calls eight friends over and gets a keg of beer? Landscapers, I guess. They sit around the TV, yelling, “Will you look at that golf path? Pure pea gravel.”
Golf is life. If you can’t take golf, you can’t take life.
Golf may be played on Sunday, not being a game within the view of the law, but being a form of moral effort.
Golf is so popular simply because it is the best game in the world at which to be bad.
Golf is like a love affair. If you don’t take it seriously, it’s no fun; if you do take it seriously, it breaks your heart.
I find it more satisfying to be a bad player at golf. The worse you play, the better you remember the occasional good shot.
Golf is a fascinating game. It has taken me nearly forty years to discover that I can’t play it.
Golf is a good walk spoiled.
If there is any larceny in a man, golf will bring it out.
They say golf is like life, but don’t believe them. Golf is more complicated than that.
Golf is a lot of walking, broken up by disappointment and bad arithmetic.
Golf is a game that is played on a five-inch course – the distance between your ears.
Golf combines two favorite American pastimes: taking long walks and hitting things with a stick.
The ardent golfer would play Mount Everest if somebody put a flag stick on top.
Golf, like the measles, should be caught young, for, if postponed to riper years, the results may be serious.
The harder you work, the luckier you get.
I guess there is nothing that will get your mind off everything like golf. I have never been depressed enough to take up the game, but they say you get so sore at yourself you forget to hate your enemies.
Golf balls are attracted to water as unerringly as the eye of a middle-aged man to a female bosom.
Michael Green (The Art of Coarse Golf – 1967)
When I die, bury me on the golf course so my husband will visit.
I’ve spent most of my life golfing – the rest I’ve just wasted.
Golf gives you an insight into human nature, your own as well as your opponent’s.
Golf is not just an exercise; it’s an adventure, a romance… a Shakespeare play in which disaster and comedy are intertwined.
Even God has to practice his putting.
If you break 100, watch your golf. If you break 80, watch your business.
Real golfers, no matter what the provocation, never strike a caddie with the driver. The sand wedge is far more effective.
Golf is hockey at the halt.
One of the most fascinating things about golf is how it reflects the cycle of life. No matter what you shoot – the next day you have to go back to the first tee and begin all over again and make yourself into something.
They call it golf because all of the other four-letter words were taken.
Golf is not a game, it’s bondage. It was obviously devised by a man torn with guilt, eager to atone for his sins.
Golf isn’t like other sports where you can take a player out if he’s having a bad day. You have to play the whole game.
Golf is a game not just of manners but of morals.