I toyed with the idea of pursuing a career as a lawyer just because I like to argue.
The only thing I expect out of lawyers is that they be back in their coffins by sunup.
F. Ross Johnson (Former CEO of RJR Nabisco)
Lawyers are like catfish. A nibble here, a nibble there … before you know it the principal’s gone, you’ve got a pile of bills, and not much else.
A lawyer, that entangles all men’s honesties And lives like a spider in a cobweb lurking, And catching at all flies that pass his pitfals.
Francis Beaumont & John Fletcher
Lawyers are necessary in a community. Some of you … take a different view; but as I am a member of that legal profession, or was at one time, and have only lost standing in it to become a politician, I still retain the pride of the profession. And I still insist that it is the law and the lawyer that make popular government under a written constitution and written statutes possible.
William Howard Taft
Unless you have a perception of who you are as a lawyer, you will never be at ease in dealing with legal matters, clients, or courts. But if you know who you are and why you’re there, all you need is the expertise and the information.
Lawyers are like doctors. They’ve each a secret language of their own so that if you get a letter from one lawyer you’ve got to take it to another to get it read, just like a doctor sends you to a chemist with a rigmarole that no one else can read, so they can charge you what they like for a drop of colored water.
At the most pragmatic level, lawyers are society’s professional problem solvers. Lawyers are called upon to make distinctions, to explain how and why cases or experiences are alike or different. Lawyers are expected to restore equilibrium, to be balancers. Every discipline, every profession, every job, and every calling has a cutting edge. At that cutting edge, lines are drawn. Lawyers and judges are society’s ultimate line drawers. On one side of the line, the conduct, action, or inaction is proper; on the other side of the line, it is not.
Rennard Strickland & Frank T. Read
Lawyers rarely test their power, or the power they promote, against this simple pragmatic question: “Will it do good?” When challenged about the expanding reach of the law, the lawyer answers, “Why not?”
Lawyers are the jackals of commerce.
The events of the day inspired me to become a lawyer.
Lawyers are like cheeses. There are lots of good ones, but not everybody likes the taste of some or can afford the best of others.
They all laid their heads together like as many lawyers when they are gettin’ ready to prove that a man’s heirs ain’t got any right to his property.
In almost every case, you have to read between the lies.
Laws are like cobwebs, which may catch small flies, but let wasps and hornets break through.
Jonathan Swift (A Critical Essay upon the Faculties of the Mind, 1707)
Lawyers belong to the people by birth and interest, and to the aristocracy by habit and taste; they may be looked upon as the connecting link of the two great classes of society.
Alexis De Tocqueville
I do not deal with subtleties; I am only a lawyer.
Frederick Edwin Smith Birkenhead
Lawyers are doubters, skeptics; not in a bad sense. But they never know any thing absolutely and utterly without qualifications or modifications.
G. N. Tillman
The great trial lawyers are the ones who help their jurors by providing them with the tools with which to reach the right verdict.
G. Christopher Ritter
As to the essentials of a good lawyer, I have some very definite convictions. He should have a keen sense of right and wrong and a firm belief in basic moral values. I would hate to trust the welfare or protection of the life or property of any of my clients to a lawyer who had no respect for moral values, or one who had a callous indifference as to what was basically right and wrong.
Joseph T. Karcher
Necessity knows no law; I know some attorneys of the same.
If there wasn’t a penalty for laughing in court, the jury would never be able to hear the evidence.
Deceive not thy physician, confessor, nor lawyer.
From your confessor, lawyer and physician, hide not your case on no condition.
It is the lawyers who run our civilization for us — our governments, our business, our private lives. Most legislators are lawyers; they make our laws. Most presidents, governors, commissioners, along with their advisers and brain-trusters are lawyers; they administer our laws. All the judges are lawyers; they interpret and enforce our laws. There is no separation of powers where the lawyers are concerned. There is only a concentration of all government power — in the lawyers.
He wanted to be a lawyer, couldn’t afford it, so he started dealing to go to college – good intention.
Law: the only game where the best players get to sit on the bench.
If a person is not talented enough to be a novelist, not smart enough to be a lawyer, and his hands are too shaky to perform operations, he becomes a journalist.
It is the trade of lawyers to question everything, yield nothing, and talk by the hour.
Being a lawyer in New York sucks because you’re working eighty, sometimes a hundred hours a week.
Justice may be blind, but she has very sophisticated listening devices.
Americans see lawyers as obstructionists, as defenders of murderers…. In reality, lawyers are the glue that holds society together. Without lawyers … without law, you have anarchy.
To force a lawyer on a defendant can only lead him to believe that the law contrives against him.
It is always the best policy to tell the truth, unless, of course, you are an exceptionally good liar.
It is unfair to believe everything we hear about lawyers. Some of it might not be true.
Gerald F. Lieberman
When there is a rift in the lute, the business of the lawyer is to widen the rift and gather the loot.
Arthur G. Hayes
What do you call a lawyer gone bad? Senator.
It doesn’t make sense for me to be a lawyer in a place where there is no law.
I used to be a lawyer, but now I am a reformed character.
We lawyers are always curious, always inquisitive, always picking up odds and ends for our patchwork minds, since there is no knowing when and where they may fit into some corner.
What’s the use of that, Wendell, a lawyer can’t be a great man!
Oliver Wendell Holmes, Sr. (On his son’s plans to attend law school)
Lawyers are a bad lot…. They cheat their living out of honest people.
Albert R. Carman
Lawyers are the only civil delinquents whose judges must of necessity be chosen from themselves.
True, we build no bridges. We raise no towers. We construct no engines. We paint no pictures – unless as amateurs for our own principal amusement. There is little of all that we do which the eye of man can see. But we smooth out difficulties; we relieve stress; we correct mistakes; we take up other men’s burdens and by our efforts we make possible the peaceful life of men in a peaceful state.
John W. Davis
The law is like Swiss cheese. The holes are the truth, and lawyers are like roaches crawling through the cheese. You can use the holes to get from one part of the cheese to another, but you can’t eat the holes, you can only eat the cheese.
A judge is a law student who marks his own examination papers.
H. L. Mencken
It does seem asinine to tolerate a system under which the lawyers always win, whether heads or tails come up.
How many lawyer jokes are there? One, the rest are true stories.
Thomas F. Shubnell
“I don’t like lawyers, nannie.” “No one likes lawyers, little boy.”
J. P. Donleavy
The adversary system is a kind of warfare in mufti.
R. I. Fitzhenry
I used to want to be a Lawyer, but I didn’t want to have half my brain sucked out.
A successful lawsuit is the one worn by a policeman.
Justice is open to everyone in the same way as the Ritz Hotel.
Litigation is the basic legal right which guarantees every corporation its decade in court.
The trouble with the laws these days is that criminals know their rights better than their wrongs.
In America, an acquittal doesn’t mean you’re innocent, it means you beat the rap. My clients lose even when they win.
F. Lee Bailey
Do as adversaries do in law, strive mightily, but eat and drink as friends.
A lawyer must be a great author.
Were we to act but in cases where no contrary opinion of a lawyer can be had, we should never act.
Law is not a profession at all, but rather a business service station and repair ship.